possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
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My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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