When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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