The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
