I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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