Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
