The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
