sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
