So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE