remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho