Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
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Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.