I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.