ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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