Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed

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  (503): I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed http://tfl.nu/wtld
  Replies (55) Good night (1188) Bad night (6477)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i wish there were pregnant emoticons

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  (440): i wish there were pregnant emoticons http://tfl.nu/icoh
  Replies (11) Good night (804) Bad night (3191)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.

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  (269): I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned. http://tfl.nu/z1gu
  Replies (8) Good night (4997) Bad night (893)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma

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  (410): you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma http://tfl.nu/40s8
  Replies (9) Good night (1292) Bad night (3704)
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  (949): View more from California

  Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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  (949): Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive. http://tfl.nu/to91
  Replies (15) Good night (2233) Bad night (1449)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.

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  (717): ...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk. http://tfl.nu/2qzx
  Replies (4) Good night (1958) Bad night (880)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.

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  (720): Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from. http://tfl.nu/0y1z
  Replies (4) Good night (1416) Bad night (625)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.

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  (614): Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles. http://tfl.nu/gha2
  Replies (10) Good night (2711) Bad night (730)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.

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  (+44): I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand. http://tfl.nu/tiko
  Replies (2) Good night (879) Bad night (1371)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.

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  (808): At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life. http://tfl.nu/lsk4
  Replies (5) Good night (1634) Bad night (600)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".

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  (443): He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp". http://tfl.nu/ico5
  Replies (4) Good night (1903) Bad night (639)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire

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  (757): he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire http://tfl.nu/du1v
  Replies (5) Good night (1442) Bad night (564)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.

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  (859): I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace. http://tfl.nu/dz2e
  Replies (0) Good night (402) Bad night (504)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment

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  (585): Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment http://tfl.nu/5svs
  Replies (1) Good night (328) Bad night (113)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to

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  (904): I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to http://tfl.nu/ss2y
  Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (152)

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