Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize