Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
