I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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