I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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