If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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