I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
