Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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