Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
