I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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