smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
