I think scott just propositioned me for sex
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
