I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
