I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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