If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
