Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it because I queefed?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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