my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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