I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
