i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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