My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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