just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
