just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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