Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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