Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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