respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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