i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
