So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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