she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
