Banned from zoo.
Again?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina just clenched in fear
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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