She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
