Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I die, sorry about rent.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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