i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
