I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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