Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
