Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sext me about skeletons
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
