If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
