the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
