just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
