Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
