man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
