After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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