He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
