Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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