this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
