ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
