his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
