Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
