babies were throwing up all over the place
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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