before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
