We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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