its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
