i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
