How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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