made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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