After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
