yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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