I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
