You're so nebulous sometimes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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