What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
