Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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