you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
