u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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