I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
