she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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