I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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