nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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