I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
