I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
