so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
