haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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